Carpe Diem Haiku Ghost Writer – May, Celestine of Reading Pleasure

The topic today is ‘stone.’ For me that brings back a few seconds from active days, and is just the right post to dedicate to Jimi Hendrix, and here’s why; but first, we need the lights,sound and atmosphere of his magestral Like a Rolling Stone.

Man did he influence my young days. When we went climbing in Chamonix on rock faces throughout the valley, it was his music blasting from the stereo strategically placed at the bottom of the rock.

And one day it sorta all came together. How could I ever forget when I was king, just for a smattering of seconds? I was there, grappling with the rock face, three points of contact with the rock, and reaching up for a hold, a crack in the rock to get my fingers through, as that great song was blasting up from below, and then suddenly it happened: I lost interest in gravity, so in tune was I with my surroundings, and I felt anything was possible, that no conscious force was needed to stay against the rock, and no force was pulling my weight downwards.

I carried on, slowly understanding what subconscious meditation might mean, that such meditation absolutely must involve movement, nature and a challenge to face. At that moment, when all is aligned, you can roll up a mountain.

scrambling up the rockface
I never knew I’d write a haiku
about that haiku moment

My First Nude Sauna

“First we get naked but not for sex, and we drink beer, but not to get drunk.”

Silence.

Here I was, giving safety training to Gulf Air pilot and cabin crew trainers.

I had them each give a presentation in the first couple of days to let them show how they got a message across to a group of people. They chose their topics. The air stewardess from Finland was next. Her presentation on that great Finnish institution, the sauna, was met by rapt attention.

b_sauna

Fly Finnair

When I met her again in Oulu, in Finland last year, it seemed natural to finally have that sauna……so through thorough lack of popular demand, here are more details from my first nude sauna.

I say first nude because my first sauna was not nude and in fact was, according to the red-bearded companion who specialised in this particular form of torture; an Irish sauna. The key difference lay within the bottle of Irish whiskey, which was used to pour onto the hot coals. Instant drunkedness – hot whiskey fumes breathed in, followed by relatively quick sobering up as the alcohol was sweated out.

Only once was enough. Not once a week, as my Irish friend did. Just once.

However, for reasons of  general education, I must inform all that the nude sauna done Lappland style has a fair quota of embarrassing stages, as itemised below.

1. As illustrated in our picture. Say no more.

Obviously not a version of the Highland Games..no kilts, and no cabers to toss..

2. Back in the sauna again, after a freezing dip in the snow, and at -18C, it is freezing. But unfortunately I cannot confirm the nude sauna is a good place to go to feel at ease, when sitting opposite a svelte Finnish air stewardess, after prancing around in the snow at goodness knows what freezing temperature. It just isn’t. Can’t quite place why, but when sitting opposite a person of the opposite gender of such appeal, one does want to look at their best, not frozen second best. Or third, either, for that matter.

3. And may I add that men running out of a sauna naked, diving into snow has limited sex appeal. I can just feel it. There is something the gals don’t find attractive about shrieking men…

4. Sitting naked with a beautiful nude air stewardess does have certain benefits for your health. Being flanked by two large local lads, elbows and shoulders touching, also quite naked, doesn’t.

5. Being red, gasping, sweaty and hot when the locals suffer calmly shows a certain lack of style. Getting up to get fresh air for the aforementioned reasons, tripping a bit and sliding a touch against the aforementioned elbow-touching gentleman, so that my private parts grace his knee cap somewhat caps the embarrassment scales.

6. Having a gorgeous nude Finnish air stewardess giggle at you in the sauna for the aforementioned somewhat doubles the embarrassment level.

So if you are to embark on such an odyssey as the nude sauna, choose your companions carefully.

She was nice though.