Posts Tagged With: Fun

If Jesus Was a Woman (For Magpie Tales)

el greco feast-in-the-house-of-simon 1610 (1)


Feast in the House of Simon, 1610, El Greco

If Jesus was a woman
and not a lesbian
Would there still be feminism?
Would religion start to make sense to me?
And would she have worn a bra?

Could she possibly have had
better hair?
Along with line in fine lingerie
for those seeking salvation
in the arms of a woman

Would her twelve disciples have been women too?
Would they have cross-dressed
or simply just had more style?
And would she have hung from the cross?

And would Peterina
Upon arrival in Rome
have been hung upside down?

If the Buddha had been all-woman
would she have sat under tree so long?

If Stalin had been a little girl
from somewhere deep in the Urals
would the gulags have functioned so well?

Its only Mick Jagger
that would remain the same
if history could be changed
To be herstory
And of course me
Though then
I would be une Lesbienne
-as I secretly am

magpie tales statue stamp 185

Categories: Verse | Tags: , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Friday Fictioneers – Teeth

Patterns.

“D-d-d don’t look like much to me,” had started ol’ Dawkins, but his job was to tether the mules.

“I’ll take a picture of the markings from above, and get a better idea,” said KZ, her white scarf fluttering across her face, disarming my thoughts.

“Tough flying through those mountains,” I replied.

“I do tough,” she said.

Her white scarf had flowed in the air stream as she flew over the high plateau in her prop plane.

She landed smoothly in the sand below us.

“So what are they?” I shouted down.

She motioned with her gloved hands.

“I think she’s sayin’ p-p-p-penis,” Dawkins stuttured.

“Probably ones that bite, knowing KZ!” I grinned aloud.

lengai_summit_from_crater-danny-bowman

Thanks very much to Rochelle! Pic this week by Danny Bowman. For Friday Fictioneers 100 word stories.

Categories: Flash Fiction | Tags: , | 42 Comments

Ode to the Troll

This piece has been commissioned by myself for dverse science fiction poetry, hosted tonight by the unequalled Bjorn Rudberg.

fool was I
did I think the troll would just
fly by?

I was warned
don’t trust them – or anyone
who wears their heart on their sleeves

and there it is, it’s heart
glowing maliciously in the dark
pumping sparks that will not ignite

I wonder what the troll thinks it is
perhaps the Marine of the internet
invading free speech

you come from a dark planet
full of insidious plants
but your words – I fear – have little effect

feed yourself on another
you’re a victim of your own success
or lack of it

Categories: Verse | Tags: , , , , , , | 4 Comments

100WCGU ~ Knock Knock!

image004“Well I don’t know.”

“You don’t? Why not?”

“What’s the slogan again?”

“KNOCK KNOCK..it’s hilarious!”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why is it hilarious?”

“Well, knock knock, you know, and he’s knocking over a vase. Funny!”

“How does that sell me cameras?”

“It doesn’t.”

“I see.”

“Well, not directly, but subluminably..”

“The word is sublinally.”

“Yeah, sublalli…uh, yeah, anyway, makes people want to shoot those kind of pictures when they see that advert.”

“I see, shoot as in, fire.”

“Uh, well, I suppose could be..”

“As in, when I see that advert it makes me want to shoot you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Bang. Out!”

100wcgu

Categories: Flash Fiction | Tags: , , , , | 6 Comments

Five Sentence Fiction – Edge

“Hola Christopher, where you been these days; it’s been a long, long time.”

“Ciao my friend, well, I been to the East Indies!”

“Oh don’ be crazy my friend, you know if you try to go there you’ll sail straight off the edge of the world!”

“Yeah, like you’d know; instead of sitting here in this taverno drinking vino, why don’t you try some tobacco!?”

“Tobacco, what’s that, some kind of new craze?”

f i v e s e n t e n c e f i c t i o n

Categories: Flash Fiction | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 23 Comments

Friday Fiction ~ A Career Change

Ol’ Pops Dawson had been a cleaner at Brisbane Airport as long as he’d been cleaning, but had never been in a plane. So it seemed natural when he saw the pilot’s hat and jacket behind the desk at the gate that he would just try them on in the walkway.

When he boarded the plane he remembered not to look too joyful, and when he slipped into the pilot’s seat and put headphone on, he happily replied to the control tower:

“Uh…yeah, this is Tango Lima 332 ready for departure.”

He okayed the purser’s request to close all doors and let the copilot fire up engines.

Captain Olson, returning from the bathroom, was somewhat perturbed to see his jet pulling out of the stand.

  _ _ _   ___ ___ ___   _ _ _   ___ ___ ___

FRIDAY FICTIONEERS 100 WORD STORIES

Categories: Flash Fiction | Tags: , , , , , | 94 Comments

Friday Fictioneers ~ Igor’s Moment Of Gory Glory

“And now, ladies and gentlemen, my prize, something I designed, a likeness of one of my……previous…guests, here at my castle, by my own hands. Igor! The covering! Unveil it!”

“Uh, Count Dracula, sir, you’ll be wanting some rest, its getting early…”

“Igor! The cloth, pull! Oh I shall do it myself!”

A stunned silence from the Count meets the ripple of applause from selected guests.

“Igor! IGOR! Where is her flowing hair? How has your face been chiselled behind her like that?”

“I thought you might like it, Count, as a memento..me holding her head, ready for you to…”

“Igor! Shut-up, imbecile!”

””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””

Click on the photo to go to Friday Fictioneers – 100 word stories

Thank you to Claire Fuller for the Sculpture and photo

Categories: Flash Fiction | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 53 Comments

Friday Fictioneers ~ The Code

copyright-renee-homan-heath

Step by step.

A grand last view, if not grand last words: “Keep movin’ ye rat!” A shove in the back.

As if I’d stumble so easily!

And even shady palm trees. .

Step by step. T’wards my necklace of rope, and my ocean, looking suspiciously calm today.

No more maraudin’ when swingin’ from the gallows. No more saucy wenches, teasin’ me of my gains as I hang…

Ah, but I imagine by now you’ll be thinkin'; “what’s a dead man doing writing?”

Did you forget the pirate’s code, and really think the bushes were free of my crew?

…Tut tut…

~~~~~~~~~~~~

100 Words

Friday Fictioneers – welcome aboard!

Picture Renee Homan Heath

Categories: Flash Fiction | Tags: , , , , , , | 64 Comments

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